Montana Refuge Page 5

  “But that’s just the point. Why did you run? You were surrounded by cops. You should have talked to the guy.”

  “Easy for you to say. He hadn’t just tried to kill you. And then I found out from my neighbor that—”

  “Wait a second,” he interrupted. “You don’t know for sure that’s what happened. Didn’t you say the attending officer mentioned attempted thefts?”

  She stood abruptly. “Just stop. Let me finish before you tear me apart.”

  “I’m not tearing you apart,” he said, bracing his hands on the back of the chair.

  “Yes, you are.”

  “I just think it’s interesting that you ran away instead of facing Trill and asking him why he pretended to be someone he wasn’t. How would he have even known you knew about his deception?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “He would have had to tap your phone.”

  “Maybe he did.”

  “Why? You said your boss doesn’t know him. He didn’t recognize his name or his face, right?”

  “Yes, but it’s obvious Trill is after something.”

  “Exactly. And what about when this whole thing started. Why didn’t you go to your boss and ask if there was any truth to these accusations instead of going behind his back? Doesn’t it seem a little self-serving to you? Don’t you wonder if you’ve developed a certain, oh, I don’t know, pattern when it comes to men and rough spots?”

  She stared hard at him for a moment as his last words lingered between them. Then she stood and slowly walked to the door and opened it. “I would sincerely appreciate it if you would leave,” she said, looking back at him. “Without an argument, without another word.”

  He took a deep breath, pulled his hat on his head and did as she asked, stalking across the yard with his head down. He’d obviously hit her where it hurt and she just as obviously deserved it.

  So why did he feel no sense of victory?

  * * *

  JULIE LAY IN BED for what seemed like hours, living and reliving every moment between dinner and falling into bed, weary beyond endurance and yet unable to so much as close her eyes because every time she did she saw Tyler’s face and felt his lips and heard his voice....

  He’d been talking about himself, she could see that. He was talking about the way she’d betrayed her marriage vows and run off even though she’d tried to talk to him a million times. He’d just never taken her seriously until it was too late for both of them.

  And then there was that kiss and all the suppressed emotion it carried. As powerful as that had been, however, it was what came later when he pulled her into his arms and whispered against her hair that caused her throat to close now. The tenderness of his voice had been unbearable and so much more than she deserved from him.

  Why did life have to be so hard?

  And what did she do now? The only other people in the world she could retreat to were her parents and they were both sixty-three-year-old florists. She was a late-in-life only child and she’d always been absorbed into their lives, not the other way around. Marriage had been her way of setting herself free; that it had backfired was something her father never let her forget. So how did she slink home now and admit she’d made a mess of things? And if Roger Trill somehow followed her to Billings and found her behind the counter at The White Rose, how would she fend him off? Spritz him with flower preservative? Throw petals in his face?

  Again she felt the pressure of a hand in the middle of her back followed by the smell of diesel and the sound of air brakes and the grinding of her skin against pavement....

  She found she was standing and walked to the door, leaning against it and listening as though she could hear through the wooden panel. The room suddenly felt claustrophobic instead of safe, like a vault instead of a haven.

  Two minutes later she’d pulled on her jeans and boots and let herself out into the night.

  It was late enough that the ranch was dark and it didn’t seem anything was moving, not a branch, not a molecule of air, certainly no human. Living in a city for the last year, Julie had forgotten what this kind of stillness was like, this seeming suspension of activity as still as the moment between breaths.

  Tomorrow the cowboys and wranglers and guests would take off to the camp by the river. The day after that, the trail would begin to get even more remote, the countryside increasingly wild. They would travel by crystal-clear rivers and skirt craggy, desertlike plains until at last reaching the high mountain pastures where the animals would spend the summer. The calves would grow like weeds until another cattle drive in the fall brought them all back to the ranch.

  She suddenly wished she was going with them, but settled for heading out to the barn, where she went straight to Babylon’s stall. The horse met her at his gate with a snuffling sound of welcome and she fed him the apple she’d grabbed from the barrel.

  “I’m leaving tomorrow,” she told him, whispering against his nose as she ran her hands along his sleek neck. “And I want you to know I wish I wasn’t in so many ways and that I’m sorry I can’t be here for you.”

  “Then don’t go,” a male voice said.

  Heart suddenly up in her throat, Julie jumped about a foot, turning as she did so. A tall, dark shape loomed in the deep shadows a few feet away. “Tyler?” she whispered.

  “Yes,” he said, advancing. He stopped right in front of her, cupped her face with his warm hands and stared down. She could see no details of his face, just the glitter in his eyes as they caught what little moonlight stole through the slats of Babylon’s stable door.

  “What are you doing out here?” she asked.

  “Just sitting in the dark. Thinking,” he said.

  “What were you thinking about?”

  “What do you think I was thinking about?”

  “Oh, Tyler.”

  “I was wondering how things got to be like this, you know, between us.”

  “You wanted to start a family,” she said, knowing it wouldn’t do either one of them any good to sugarcoat the facts.

  “And you didn’t.”

  “I just wasn’t ready.”

  “I know. I would have waited a while—”

  “It was more than that. Your desire for a baby was normal and wonderful, but I knew once I was a mother there would never be a chance for me to find out about myself. I knew I’d be stuck here forever. I tried to make you understand.”

  He leaned closer and she felt his lips touch her forehead. “You wanted another life,” he said, kissing her.

  “But I wanted you to be in it.”

  “My life is here. You know that.”

  “And that’s why I had to leave.”

  “This place has been in my family for generations,” he added as though explaining himself to himself. “It’s in my blood, it’s the legacy for my children. It would fail if I left. I can’t let that happen.”

  “And all that’s more important than I am,” she said, but this time, unlike a year before, she managed to say it without bitterness. It was a fact.

  “Oh, Julie, it’s not that simple,” he said, his lips moving against her skin as he spoke. She turned her face upward and his lips captured hers.

  This kiss wasn’t confrontational like the other, but it wasn’t sweet either. Julie felt like a raw wound, as vulnerable as she’d been when she hit the pavement a few days before, and as his tongue invaded her mouth, her heart seemed to explode, turning her inside out.

  She ran her fingers through his hair, knocking off his hat in the process. His hands were all over her, inciting impulses that burned every pivotal place on her body from the tips of her breasts to between her legs to deep inside her groin.

  He knew her. He knew how to drive her wild with his touch, just as she knew such secrets about him. He lifted her in his arms without losing contact with her mouth and carried her along in the dark, his right arm under her bent legs, his left hand wrapped around her torso, his fingers pressing into her clothes, into her skin. And still
the kisses continued, stoking the fires within, making her dizzy and disorientated.

  But that wasn’t true. She wasn’t disorientated; she knew exactly what was on Tyler’s mind, what he planned to do if she didn’t stop him. Trouble was, she didn’t know what she wanted.

  When he knelt and laid her on a bed of clean straw and peered down at her, she reached up, grabbed the two sides of his open vest and pulled him down on top of her.

  The kisses grew more and more heated as his lips traveled down her throat. She was wearing a T-shirt and he raised it, groaning when he realized she wore no bra. His mouth closed over her right nipple as his hand slipped under the waistband of her jeans, his fingers landing between her legs, his touch driving her frantic with desire.

  She had to stop him. This wasn’t right. Going through with this would make everything harder than ever.

  But oh, the sensations, the waves of pleasure and passion. She hadn’t experienced this in a year and she was overwhelmed with the desire for it to continue, to run its natural course, to be so caught up in the physicality of sex that the emotional quagmire of what it all meant would just go away.

  She caught his wrist, her grip tight, and he stopped everything. Silence hung between them like a lead curtain until he said in her ear, “I want you, Julie. And you want me.” As he whispered these words, he sucked on her earlobe, his hand caressing her bottom.

  “No,” she said, her voice so soft she could barely hear herself. “No, this isn’t what I want and it’s not really what you want either.”

  He shifted his weight, the straw rustling as he collapsed beside her. She straightened her clothes and fought to reclaim her equilibrium.

  “I’m sorry—” she began, but he cut her off.

  “Just don’t, please. I got carried away. It won’t happen again. I thought you wanted—”

  “I did,” she said. “But I don’t.”

  “How do we keep screwing this up?” he added.

  “I’m not sure. But I’ll be gone tomorrow.”

  “I said you didn’t have to leave.”

  “I know, but I think it’s better if I do.”

  “Where will you go?”

  “I’m not sure. The only thing I really know is it’s not your problem. I’m not your problem.”

  He waited a heartbeat, then got up. Without pausing, he walked out the back of the barn, the door slamming behind him.

  Chapter Five

  Julie paid a last visit to Babylon before starting the walk back to her cabin. The threat of Trill and the confusion over exactly what had happened in Oregon was still ever present in her mind, heightened now by the fiasco of a few minutes before when she’d been about to make love to Tyler.

  Walking with her head down to watch her step, she suddenly sensed a presence and looked up. A man stood within a pool of light out in front of the cabin next to hers, leaning against one of the porch supports, almost blending into his surroundings like a chameleon. He was as tall as Tyler, a little heavier, lighter coloring. Julie didn’t recognize him and stopped dead in her tracks, a scream edging its way up her throat.

  “You couldn’t sleep either?” he asked, straightening up but not making a move in her direction. It was obvious he’d correctly read the alarm on her face. “I’m a guest here, too,” he added. “I saw you in the kitchen after dinner. My name is John Smyth, by the way.”

  “Julie Chilton,” she said automatically, beginning to remember him now.

  “Look, I can see I startled you. I’ll go back inside. We can meet again later today on the cattle drive.”

  “I’m not going on the cattle drive,” she said, her heartbeat back to normal. The feeling of threat had passed, replaced by something else that emanated from this man. Curiosity? Recognition? She was too upset to figure what it was. “Been standing here long?” she asked, trying to remember if she and Tyler had been noisy. She didn’t think so and besides, the barn was quite a distance off.

  “For a while. Well, it’s time to hit the hay. I’m sorry we won’t be riding the trails together tomorrow, Julie. Sleep well.” He turned and walked back into his cabin, firmly shutting the door. A second later, she heard the click of a lock.

  And that reminded her she’d not locked her cabin when she left it an hour before. Well, it wasn’t as though she had anything worth stealing. She turned the knob and flicked on the light, turning to close and lock the door before facing her room.

  Somehow, things looked different.

  The fear that was always there, always waiting to erupt, came crashing back as she looked at the sack of clothes and noticed the jeans on top weren’t folded the way she folded them. And hadn’t her purse been lying on its side instead of standing upright? She reached for her wallet—credit cards and cash were still there. In fact, she decided as she checked everything else out, nothing seemed to be missing.

  What had someone been looking for? If it was information about her, they’d seen it all, or at least everything she carried in that handbag.

  The closet door was open, as was the bathroom door. She armed herself with a rod iron lamp and searched anywhere someone could be hiding and found she was alone. Then she sat down in the chair where Tyler had settled himself a couple of hours before, all the lights on, still clutching the heavy lamp, heart racing and body so pumped with adrenaline she was ready to smack anyone or anything that tried to get into her room.

  Her heart about burst through her chest when she heard a knock on her door. She was instantly on her feet, clutching the heavy lamp even though her brain said bad guys didn’t knock on doors.

  “Who is it?” she asked, standing to the side of the door, barely breathing.

  “It’s Heidi, ma’am, you know, Rose’s help up at the house.”

  “What do you want?” Julie asked.

  “Rose wants to know if you could come talk to her for a few minutes,” Heidi said.

  “Now?”

  “She said to tell you she’s sorry it’s so late.”

  It had to be important or Rose wouldn’t have asked. Julie set the lamp aside and grabbed the cabin key. This time she locked the door before walking back to the house with Heidi.

  * * *

  TYLER WAS OUT IN THE BARN early the next morning, helping the newly arrived doctor choose a suitable mount. Dr. Robert Marquis was a tall man with a gaunt face and clothes that seemed too big for his build. More importantly, he didn’t seem all that comfortable with horses and mentioned his job as an emergency room doctor in Denver several times as though depending on those laurels to cover his visible awkwardness with the animals. He all but tripped over himself when his sorrel gelding gave him a friendly nudge with his soft nose.

  Tyler was anxious to get the last-minute details sewed up so they could hit the trail. He wanted to put to rest the thundering hormones and unresolved emotions that blasted around inside him like steel spheres in a pinball machine and there was no better place to do that than out herding cattle. He’d have a week to forget Julie had ever been here and then he’d sign those papers and bury a marriage that was obviously already dead.

  “This one is kind of big,” Dr. Marquis said, looking at the horse he’d been given with a wary eye. Seeing as he was a tall guy with minimal experience, Tyler knew the doctor needed a big, gentle horse. “Tex is a sweetheart,” Tyler explained, rubbing the reddish face. “Think of him as an overgrown puppy.”

  Heidi showed up at the barn door, all scrubbed and smiling. “Rose wants to see you,” she said.

  Tyler touched his chest. “Me? Where is she?”

  “Up at the house.”

  “What’s she doing up there?” It was her job to get the chuck wagon rolling way before the rest of them hit the trail.

  “I didn’t ask,” Heidi said. “She just told me to come get you before I laid out the breakfast buffet, so I did.”

  Tyler turned to the doctor. “Before you go inside and tuck into pancakes and bacon, do us all a favor and ride around in the ring for a few mi
nutes to make sure you and Tex get along okay.”

  “Sure,” Dr. Marquis said, casting the horse a suspicious glance. “I’m not much of a heavy eater anyway.”

  Tyler gave additional instructions to one of his men, then left for the house, his gaze straying only once to cabin eight.

  Was Julie gone yet? Lenny had driven off bright and early; presumably, she’d left with him.

  Rapping on the door of his mother’s ground-floor suite, he let himself in and found her seated at the small kitchen table, still dressed in her robe, nursing a cup with a tea bag on the saucer.

  “What’s up?” he asked, looking around for some explanation as to why she wasn’t at work.

  She folded and unfolded her hands. “We may have to send everyone home,” she said.

  “What!”

  “We’ll have to refund their money and pay any travel fees they acquire,” she added. “And we’ll have to cancel the drive.”

  Tyler stared at his mother as though he was looking at a stranger. “We can’t afford to do that,” he said. “Anyway, the cattle need the high meadows for summer feed. What are you talking about?”

  “You and the boys can drive the herd to pasture by yourselves and it won’t take half the time it does with guests.”

  He whipped off his hat. “What’s going on?” He narrowed his eyes and looked closely at her, alarmed by what he saw. Not only wasn’t she dressed for work, but she didn’t look so good, her skin almost as pale as her ivory robe. “What’s wrong?” he demanded. “Are you sick?”

  She glanced into his eyes and away, then nodded.

  “What is it?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “What are your symptoms?”

  “Don’t you grill me, young man. I’m not dying, I’m just a little under the weather and worn-out.”

  “At the beginning of the season?”

  “The beginning of the tourist season, maybe, but we had a hard winter and the calving was tough this year—on me, I mean.”

  “If you’ve been feeling sickly, then why in the world did we let Mac leave when he did?”

  “His daughter’s baby came early and her husband is off fighting a war. What else could we do? I just thought I could handle things, but it’s become clear to me that I can’t. I’m sorry, I just can’t.”